Sunday, July 01, 2007
Depressed And Asking For Help
Dear Guidance Guy,
I barely know where to begin. I guess I should start at the question is my life is worth living anymore? I am a freshman in high school, and basically I really hate my life. See, my entire life since about 1st grade I have been looked upon as weird. This is because I told ONE PERSON that I liked a girl in 1ST GRADE (I know, young) and she told everyone. So, since girls had "cooties" then, I was seen as an outcast, and no other guys in my grade liked me at all. I was forced to make friends with girls, and many of my friends are girls today.
So, then, as the years wore on, and I don't know how, but all of a sudden people started calling me gay because I was always with girls. I really am not, but the male portion of the student body seems to remain fixated on this "fact". Now that I am in high school, I am actually looking for a relationship, but all the girls aren't sure if I'm straight or not.
I also have physical problems such as an extreme case of bacne, and a little known disease (I think) called pectus excavatum. Pectus Excavatum is when a person's chest tissue that connects the ribs to the....spine(?) grows in excess, making the chest look sunken and misshapen. Now that it's summer, I feel even more self conscious than usual to go swimming and the like of summer. I really feel that ending my life is the only way, and I know you're going to say suicide isn't the answer but...I don't see another way. I've tried multiple things to get ride of the bacne and the pectus excavatum is too minor to need surgery. Please help.
Depressed Beyond Help
*** *** ***
Dear Depressed,
What you're saying to me is that a telling someone you liked a girl eight years ago started a chain of events that turned you into a misunderstood social outcast. Is that correct? If so, this isn't going to be about the event itself. This is about how you reacted to it then, and how you continue to react to it today.
I have no doubt kids can be cruel when they sense someone is different. And if you told them you like a girl in first grade that made you different for the time. Of course other kids said things that were unusual and they don't continue to live those consequences years later. And other people have physical characteristics that make them different from others, and they aren't depressed or self conscious.
So what's the difference? It's that you expect to be treated differently and cruelly, and you invite that treatment from others. That's not a criticism of you, it's just an observation. And the good news is that it's something that can be changed.
You can start here..."all the girls" seems to be a big target for someone looking for a relationship. If there's someone in particular you're interested in, start a friendship. Ask questions, be interested in the other person, let them see the real you. If you do date someone, word will get around that you aren't gay (by the way...DO NOT date someone just to prove this fact).
You spent years developing a pattern of low self esteem. This isn't going to change overnight. But once you find the best parts of yourself and put your focus on those, things will fall into place. Other people will notice your confidence, sense of humor and other great qualities. They'll find that attractive and want to be around you.
As for suicide, you know that isn't the answer or you wouldn't be writing. If those feelings don't improve though, you will need to let your parents or a counselor know how you're feeling. Get some help in dealing with your depression. That doesn't make you weak. Asking for help makes you strong and brave.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I barely know where to begin. I guess I should start at the question is my life is worth living anymore? I am a freshman in high school, and basically I really hate my life. See, my entire life since about 1st grade I have been looked upon as weird. This is because I told ONE PERSON that I liked a girl in 1ST GRADE (I know, young) and she told everyone. So, since girls had "cooties" then, I was seen as an outcast, and no other guys in my grade liked me at all. I was forced to make friends with girls, and many of my friends are girls today.
So, then, as the years wore on, and I don't know how, but all of a sudden people started calling me gay because I was always with girls. I really am not, but the male portion of the student body seems to remain fixated on this "fact". Now that I am in high school, I am actually looking for a relationship, but all the girls aren't sure if I'm straight or not.
I also have physical problems such as an extreme case of bacne, and a little known disease (I think) called pectus excavatum. Pectus Excavatum is when a person's chest tissue that connects the ribs to the....spine(?) grows in excess, making the chest look sunken and misshapen. Now that it's summer, I feel even more self conscious than usual to go swimming and the like of summer. I really feel that ending my life is the only way, and I know you're going to say suicide isn't the answer but...I don't see another way. I've tried multiple things to get ride of the bacne and the pectus excavatum is too minor to need surgery. Please help.
Depressed Beyond Help
*** *** ***
Dear Depressed,
What you're saying to me is that a telling someone you liked a girl eight years ago started a chain of events that turned you into a misunderstood social outcast. Is that correct? If so, this isn't going to be about the event itself. This is about how you reacted to it then, and how you continue to react to it today.
I have no doubt kids can be cruel when they sense someone is different. And if you told them you like a girl in first grade that made you different for the time. Of course other kids said things that were unusual and they don't continue to live those consequences years later. And other people have physical characteristics that make them different from others, and they aren't depressed or self conscious.
So what's the difference? It's that you expect to be treated differently and cruelly, and you invite that treatment from others. That's not a criticism of you, it's just an observation. And the good news is that it's something that can be changed.
You can start here..."all the girls" seems to be a big target for someone looking for a relationship. If there's someone in particular you're interested in, start a friendship. Ask questions, be interested in the other person, let them see the real you. If you do date someone, word will get around that you aren't gay (by the way...DO NOT date someone just to prove this fact).
You spent years developing a pattern of low self esteem. This isn't going to change overnight. But once you find the best parts of yourself and put your focus on those, things will fall into place. Other people will notice your confidence, sense of humor and other great qualities. They'll find that attractive and want to be around you.
As for suicide, you know that isn't the answer or you wouldn't be writing. If those feelings don't improve though, you will need to let your parents or a counselor know how you're feeling. Get some help in dealing with your depression. That doesn't make you weak. Asking for help makes you strong and brave.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 1:40 PM
