Thursday, March 15, 2007
Scraping A Friend Off Your Shoe
Dear Guidance Guy,
In my gym class, I have a friend names Clarissa. She is nice, sweet and all, but she sticks to me as if she was a piece of gum, stuck on a shoe that you can't scrape off. She doesn't leave me alone. When we make groups for volleyball or some thing, she always runs over to me before I have a chance to get to my other friends. She also talks about her boyfriends 24/7 and it drives me crazy. When we jog around the gym, she never leaves me alone, even when I begin to run and she either says wait up or speed down. . How can I "scrape her off my shoes", still be friends, and not hurt her feelings?"
Lexie
*** *** ***
Dear Lexie,
If you figure out how to do this, please let me know. It's one of the classic problems kids (and sometimes adults) have. It also means you are no doubt a kind, caring person who doesn't like to see other people hurt.
So please understand this: Clarissa's feelings are not your responsibility. At some point she will have to learn how to pick up signals she's being too clingy. It's nice you're trying not to hurt her feelings, but this could be the time where you tell her the truth. As much as you want to be friends, you are feeling crowded in and it's starting to become annoying. Ask her if she would give you some space. This may mean she has to learn how to find new friends, but that's something she will need to do anyway.
If this works, you're all set. Something tells me it will be a little more difficult than that because people who are clingy don't always "get" it when you're trying to back them off a bit. At that point simply taking your attention away from her altogether may be the next step. You may have to decide if the friendship is worth the feeling of having someone "on your shoes."
If anyone else has more ideas, please write in. I'd love to hear them.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
In my gym class, I have a friend names Clarissa. She is nice, sweet and all, but she sticks to me as if she was a piece of gum, stuck on a shoe that you can't scrape off. She doesn't leave me alone. When we make groups for volleyball or some thing, she always runs over to me before I have a chance to get to my other friends. She also talks about her boyfriends 24/7 and it drives me crazy. When we jog around the gym, she never leaves me alone, even when I begin to run and she either says wait up or speed down. . How can I "scrape her off my shoes", still be friends, and not hurt her feelings?"
Lexie
*** *** ***
Dear Lexie,
If you figure out how to do this, please let me know. It's one of the classic problems kids (and sometimes adults) have. It also means you are no doubt a kind, caring person who doesn't like to see other people hurt.
So please understand this: Clarissa's feelings are not your responsibility. At some point she will have to learn how to pick up signals she's being too clingy. It's nice you're trying not to hurt her feelings, but this could be the time where you tell her the truth. As much as you want to be friends, you are feeling crowded in and it's starting to become annoying. Ask her if she would give you some space. This may mean she has to learn how to find new friends, but that's something she will need to do anyway.
If this works, you're all set. Something tells me it will be a little more difficult than that because people who are clingy don't always "get" it when you're trying to back them off a bit. At that point simply taking your attention away from her altogether may be the next step. You may have to decide if the friendship is worth the feeling of having someone "on your shoes."
If anyone else has more ideas, please write in. I'd love to hear them.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:13 PM
