The Guidance Guy Advice Column

Dear Readers,

I want to answer a comment I received from a counselor about the letter I published here last Wednesday. Here is the letter...

Dear Guidance Guy,

Valentine's Day is not too long from now and our school is going to be selling candy grams. I really want to buy one for my crush, but I'm not sure if he knows I have a crush on him or not. Do you think I should put my name on it or write "From Your Secret Admirer"? The problem is that my crush is a teacher at my school. He might know, and if I put "secret admirer" what happens if he figures it out? But I do hope that he will find out I have a crush on him. This question has been on my shoulders for a long time. People have told me different things so I want to get your opinion on it.

Thanks,
Alyssa

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Dear Alyssa,

My guess is that if you send your teacher a "secret admirer" candy gram he will know it's from you. Something tells me you're acting in ways that let him know you have a crush on him. It will probably be easy for him to figure out who it's from.

If you want to express to your teacher how much you like him, you can send him the candy gram without the "secret admirer" note. You can write him something nice about what a great guy he is, and sign your name to it. This way he knows how you feel (without worrying about the romantic parts) and you finally get this off your shoulders. It's fun to have crushes on teachers. As a teacher/counselor, I like them! Just as long as they don't get too intense or spooky. Have fun with this, and let your teacher have fun also.

All The Best,
The Guidance Guy

And here is the comment I received from a fellow counselor...

I have to comment on this...I think the advice you gave this young lady was completely irresponsible. As a counselor myself, and a female, I've had many experiences with teacher crushes. While it's fine and dandy to have a crush on a teacher who may be 20 years older than you, it's completely inappropriate to act upon those feelings. To tell this girl that she should go ahead and send her teacher a valentine boggles my mind. How can you, "Guidance Guy", give such advice? In this day and age where sexual harrassment is at it's peak, you telling this girl to "have some fun" and express her feeling for her teacher makes me seriously question your credibility. I am disgusted.


I agree there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to have crushes on teachers. One would hope this young woman and any other young people who have crushes on teachers will realize this crush is a nice feeling, but will not turn into an actual relationship.

That said, I see nothing wrong with sending a teacher a Valentine that is part of a school sponsored activity. There's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing admiration for someone who you like. As I said in my original letter, don't be too intense or say anything about romance. But there is nothing wrong with telling a teacher he's a great guy by giving him something everyone else in the school is also getting.

I will agree with the commenter that it is important to be careful about what you say and how you say it. Maybe it would be a good idea to show anything you send to your parents to make sure it's appropriate. But as a male teacher/counselor, I see nothing wrong with an innocent expression of appreciation, so long as it goes no further.

Any further opinions on this topic? If so, email me and let me know. I'll try and include them here before February 14.

All The Best,
The Guidance Guy