Wednesday, February 14, 2007
My Two Best Friends Hate Each Other
Dear Guidance Guy,
My two BEST FREINDS hate each other and are not allowed to hang out. They get along sometimes but mostly give each other dirty looks. I want to be friends with both of them but I can't.
My friend "Bob" is the meaner one who has more attitude and my mom doesn't like but I really like her. But she also is mean to my other friend. My other friend "Joe" is pitiful and is a MAJOR DRAMA QUEEN. She can't let things go, she doesn't stand up to herself at all, she expects me to stand up for her all the time, she can never do anything for me (when I told her my grandmother had cancer again all she said was "That sucks, so anyway Jon is so cute" and then when I told her my grandmother died she said "Oh I'm sorry. Isn't Bob mean, i feel like I am not wanted"). She never lets us do anything at her house (like she makes plans and then says "Oh I can't do it at my house" and there isn't anything wrong with her family or house she is well-off and her family is in good shape), and she gets really annoying. I want to stop being friends with her but then everyone will hate me.
So that is all the information and I have two questions:
1. What friend will I be more happy with?
2. Am I wrong to stay friends with "Joe" just so people won't hate me?
One last thing, I like "Joe" but she is too needy and to dependent on me to take care of things for her.
Thanks and Sincerely,
Stuck In The Middle
*** *** ***
Dear Stuck,
Here are the answers to your two questions...
1. You will not be happy with either friend.
2. Yes, you are wrong to stay friends with Joe so people won't hate you.
First things first. The whole idea of being friends (as I understand it) is that these are people you like being around. You don't seem to enjoy either one of these people. Why would you want to be friends with a drama queen or someone who puts out negative energy all over the place? Why would you want to stick around someone who has so little regard for you she barely stops to notice when your grandmother has died? Why would you want to be friends with someone who is dependent on you to handle everything?
The answer to those questions lie in the second question you asked me. This doesn't seem to be about friends. This seems to be about making sure your place in the social network is secure. I want you to give yourself permission to be friends with people who like you, who you like, and who contribute something GOOD to your life. In other words, who cares if people hate you? If they are caught up in who likes who, that's their problem, not yours.
Stuck, I suggest you take some time and figure out what's really important to you. Right now you seem to be in a phase where other people's opinions are more important than your own happiness. That's normal for the teen years, but growing out of it will make for a lifetime of fun and freedom...guaranteed!
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
My two BEST FREINDS hate each other and are not allowed to hang out. They get along sometimes but mostly give each other dirty looks. I want to be friends with both of them but I can't.
My friend "Bob" is the meaner one who has more attitude and my mom doesn't like but I really like her. But she also is mean to my other friend. My other friend "Joe" is pitiful and is a MAJOR DRAMA QUEEN. She can't let things go, she doesn't stand up to herself at all, she expects me to stand up for her all the time, she can never do anything for me (when I told her my grandmother had cancer again all she said was "That sucks, so anyway Jon is so cute" and then when I told her my grandmother died she said "Oh I'm sorry. Isn't Bob mean, i feel like I am not wanted"). She never lets us do anything at her house (like she makes plans and then says "Oh I can't do it at my house" and there isn't anything wrong with her family or house she is well-off and her family is in good shape), and she gets really annoying. I want to stop being friends with her but then everyone will hate me.
So that is all the information and I have two questions:
1. What friend will I be more happy with?
2. Am I wrong to stay friends with "Joe" just so people won't hate me?
One last thing, I like "Joe" but she is too needy and to dependent on me to take care of things for her.
Thanks and Sincerely,
Stuck In The Middle
*** *** ***
Dear Stuck,
Here are the answers to your two questions...
1. You will not be happy with either friend.
2. Yes, you are wrong to stay friends with Joe so people won't hate you.
First things first. The whole idea of being friends (as I understand it) is that these are people you like being around. You don't seem to enjoy either one of these people. Why would you want to be friends with a drama queen or someone who puts out negative energy all over the place? Why would you want to stick around someone who has so little regard for you she barely stops to notice when your grandmother has died? Why would you want to be friends with someone who is dependent on you to handle everything?
The answer to those questions lie in the second question you asked me. This doesn't seem to be about friends. This seems to be about making sure your place in the social network is secure. I want you to give yourself permission to be friends with people who like you, who you like, and who contribute something GOOD to your life. In other words, who cares if people hate you? If they are caught up in who likes who, that's their problem, not yours.
Stuck, I suggest you take some time and figure out what's really important to you. Right now you seem to be in a phase where other people's opinions are more important than your own happiness. That's normal for the teen years, but growing out of it will make for a lifetime of fun and freedom...guaranteed!
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 9:12 AM
