Tuesday, February 27, 2007
My Son Was Bullied At School...Here's What I Did
Dear Guidance Guy,
I want to tell you a story about how my son overcame being bullied, with my help.
Max is soft and sweet and full of light! He was being bullied at the begininng of the school year. I know first grade already started out with so many things I can't believe. But that's another issue in itself.
My son was being bullied, and the boy who was the bully would get away with this because English was a foreign language for him. I must say, he got the profanity part down pretty good. This boy would bully Max, and tell him things like I'm going to snap your neck. Max would come home and tell me he was afraid. Well, I became very hostile about it, I admit. I called the principal and talked to the teacher. But nothing ever stopped. Max would come home with a new terror story.
I took liberty to find the boy's home and went to speak to his parents. I only knew that he was on a certain bus number. And I followed the rest through knowing someone in that neighborhood. I located this child with no last name and only a bus number. Difficult, as we live in a large community.
Ok, I know its crazy probably, but Max was my concern and I couldnt' get anything accomplished going through the ranks. I didn't want my son injured, so I took my son with me and had a brief conversation with the mother. Her English was not good, but she had understood who I was and knew there was a problem between the boys. Her son would not come to the door, but I insisted we talk and finally he came to the door. He didn't look like a bully to me. So I knelt down and said that Max could fight him now, without school rules, or he could be his friend. He understood the English pretty well.
Well, they shook hands on a friendship. I am not sure how I would have reacted to them fighting really. I guess it wouldn't have went over well at that moment, but I could tell the child was not going to fight, he looked scared at this crazy English woman, insisting to speak with him until he came to the door.
Every one I spoke with about this said I did the right thing, though looking back it was probably not a good idea to suggest they fight, but the mother clearly did not understand me. Long story short: Max isn't being bullied any more. Max isn't best friends with him, but there has been no trouble since.
Peace and Love,
Angel
*** *** ***
Dear Angel,
That was a VERY gutsy move on your part. Talk about living out your convictions! Was your son willing to live with whatever consequences came of it?
Having been in a school since 1992 I've seen my share of bullies. And I've seen my share of victims. You are correct...each attracts the other.
The way to change the equation is for your son to start feeling better about himself. It's a time consuming process because parent and child have so much to UNLEARN before they can let in new and better feelings.
Congratulations on having a son that now can go to school without fear. It's still best to work within the system. But sometimes a parent's intuition is the best.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I want to tell you a story about how my son overcame being bullied, with my help.
Max is soft and sweet and full of light! He was being bullied at the begininng of the school year. I know first grade already started out with so many things I can't believe. But that's another issue in itself.
My son was being bullied, and the boy who was the bully would get away with this because English was a foreign language for him. I must say, he got the profanity part down pretty good. This boy would bully Max, and tell him things like I'm going to snap your neck. Max would come home and tell me he was afraid. Well, I became very hostile about it, I admit. I called the principal and talked to the teacher. But nothing ever stopped. Max would come home with a new terror story.
I took liberty to find the boy's home and went to speak to his parents. I only knew that he was on a certain bus number. And I followed the rest through knowing someone in that neighborhood. I located this child with no last name and only a bus number. Difficult, as we live in a large community.
Ok, I know its crazy probably, but Max was my concern and I couldnt' get anything accomplished going through the ranks. I didn't want my son injured, so I took my son with me and had a brief conversation with the mother. Her English was not good, but she had understood who I was and knew there was a problem between the boys. Her son would not come to the door, but I insisted we talk and finally he came to the door. He didn't look like a bully to me. So I knelt down and said that Max could fight him now, without school rules, or he could be his friend. He understood the English pretty well.
Well, they shook hands on a friendship. I am not sure how I would have reacted to them fighting really. I guess it wouldn't have went over well at that moment, but I could tell the child was not going to fight, he looked scared at this crazy English woman, insisting to speak with him until he came to the door.
Every one I spoke with about this said I did the right thing, though looking back it was probably not a good idea to suggest they fight, but the mother clearly did not understand me. Long story short: Max isn't being bullied any more. Max isn't best friends with him, but there has been no trouble since.
Peace and Love,
Angel
*** *** ***
Dear Angel,
That was a VERY gutsy move on your part. Talk about living out your convictions! Was your son willing to live with whatever consequences came of it?
Having been in a school since 1992 I've seen my share of bullies. And I've seen my share of victims. You are correct...each attracts the other.
The way to change the equation is for your son to start feeling better about himself. It's a time consuming process because parent and child have so much to UNLEARN before they can let in new and better feelings.
Congratulations on having a son that now can go to school without fear. It's still best to work within the system. But sometimes a parent's intuition is the best.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:31 PM
