Thursday, February 15, 2007
Eating Disorder And An Important Choice
Dear Guidance Guy,
About a week ago I filled out my course selection sheet and handed it in. Next year I'm going to be a senior in high school. Now usually I end up taking more English/languages associated classes since those kinds of things come easily to me as opposed to math and science when I tend to struggle with. But this year I had a math teacher who really helped to boost my self-esteem (whether he knows it or not). I actually got a 91% for my second marking period grade and have been receiving hundreds on tests and doing well in some of the more difficult areas of the subject. Also, there is an AP Science course that I am interested in taking and I think that, with enough effort, I could do well in it. The problem here is that not a lot of people agree with me, especially my mom.
For about a year now I have been struggling with depression and bulimia, not to mention my tendency toward anxiety. I can understand why my mom says I'm "setting myself up for failure" by taking science and math when I could drop them. The thing is I really want to take these classes(especially considering the schools I want to go to want four years of math and lab science). When I told my math teacher that I was too stupid to take them he refused to sign my schedule for no math because it wasn't a good excuse. So instead of pre-calculus I opted for statistics.
I've been working hard to make it and seem like I'm doing a lot better and my efforts were really paying off. My mom was feeling confident about my choice of classes, when on Friday I crashed and has a really bad day for no good reason. She says that I can take the classes but if in August I'm not doing well, we are going to talk about dropping them. By "talk about" she doesn't actually mean we're going to talk. We're just going to drop them.
I'm scared because even though I don't want to be depressed anymore. I don't want to give up my eating disorder and my mom keeps hinting that it's time to stop going to my therapist. What should I do? Frustrated Person
*** *** ***
Dear Frustrated,
If you are asking what you should do about taking the AP Science and pre-calculus, we're going to have to dig into the big picture of what you want and what your current level of coping skills are. Sorry, it's not that simple an answer.
The first thing that jumped out at me when I read your letter is your two statements together...I don't want to be depressed and I don't want to give up my eating disorder. Do you find those two a little inconsistent? My understanding of many eating disorders is they are a way for someone to maintain a sense of control when other parts of their lives seem to be out of control. Makes sense, except for the fact that it's very dangerous, both physically and emotionally. I'm sure you've talked about this with your therapist already.
I'll ask you the same question I ask in my book, So, You Wanna Go To College... What will your life look like in ten years? If you can get a picture of the 26 or 27 year old version of you (the one you would like, not the one you'd settle for) would going to a very selective school be a requirement for that picture? And would your eating disorder still be with you, or will you have released it?
You and your family get to decide how much stress you can handle before you break down and assert control over yourself in dangerous ways. That's definitely part of the equation. If you want these classes because they are part of a bigger picture of something you want, it might be worth taking a chance. If it's just to prove something, don't worry. You'll have plenty of challenges in your life besides math and science courses.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
About a week ago I filled out my course selection sheet and handed it in. Next year I'm going to be a senior in high school. Now usually I end up taking more English/languages associated classes since those kinds of things come easily to me as opposed to math and science when I tend to struggle with. But this year I had a math teacher who really helped to boost my self-esteem (whether he knows it or not). I actually got a 91% for my second marking period grade and have been receiving hundreds on tests and doing well in some of the more difficult areas of the subject. Also, there is an AP Science course that I am interested in taking and I think that, with enough effort, I could do well in it. The problem here is that not a lot of people agree with me, especially my mom.
For about a year now I have been struggling with depression and bulimia, not to mention my tendency toward anxiety. I can understand why my mom says I'm "setting myself up for failure" by taking science and math when I could drop them. The thing is I really want to take these classes(especially considering the schools I want to go to want four years of math and lab science). When I told my math teacher that I was too stupid to take them he refused to sign my schedule for no math because it wasn't a good excuse. So instead of pre-calculus I opted for statistics.
I've been working hard to make it and seem like I'm doing a lot better and my efforts were really paying off. My mom was feeling confident about my choice of classes, when on Friday I crashed and has a really bad day for no good reason. She says that I can take the classes but if in August I'm not doing well, we are going to talk about dropping them. By "talk about" she doesn't actually mean we're going to talk. We're just going to drop them.
I'm scared because even though I don't want to be depressed anymore. I don't want to give up my eating disorder and my mom keeps hinting that it's time to stop going to my therapist. What should I do? Frustrated Person
*** *** ***
Dear Frustrated,
If you are asking what you should do about taking the AP Science and pre-calculus, we're going to have to dig into the big picture of what you want and what your current level of coping skills are. Sorry, it's not that simple an answer.
The first thing that jumped out at me when I read your letter is your two statements together...I don't want to be depressed and I don't want to give up my eating disorder. Do you find those two a little inconsistent? My understanding of many eating disorders is they are a way for someone to maintain a sense of control when other parts of their lives seem to be out of control. Makes sense, except for the fact that it's very dangerous, both physically and emotionally. I'm sure you've talked about this with your therapist already.
I'll ask you the same question I ask in my book, So, You Wanna Go To College... What will your life look like in ten years? If you can get a picture of the 26 or 27 year old version of you (the one you would like, not the one you'd settle for) would going to a very selective school be a requirement for that picture? And would your eating disorder still be with you, or will you have released it?
You and your family get to decide how much stress you can handle before you break down and assert control over yourself in dangerous ways. That's definitely part of the equation. If you want these classes because they are part of a bigger picture of something you want, it might be worth taking a chance. If it's just to prove something, don't worry. You'll have plenty of challenges in your life besides math and science courses.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:20 PM
