Sunday, February 25, 2007
Bob, Rob And A Prank Gone Wrong
Dear Guidance Guy,
"Bob" and I have been friends ever since we stared 7th grade. We talked in class and everything. My friends tease me and say we should go out. Bob and I ignore them. Then in November, Bob and I secretly liked each other. We didn't tell each other because we needed to know what we would say. I told bob that I had a crush on me and he told me the same thing. Now we are still single best friends.
Recently, my friends and I decided to play a joke on another guy who likes him (we will call him Rob). So "Rob" asked me out twice, the first time I said no, the second time I said yes and dumped him 30 minutes later.
One day Rob found out the Bob asked me to go with him to a place as friends. When Rob found this out, he said "Bob, are you messing with my girl?" Now my friends, Bob and I decided to play a trick on Rob and say that Bob & I are going out.
My other friend (we will call her Ellen) said that once the rumors start it's hard to stop and Bob and I said we can handle it. Ellen also said that since people are going to think that Bob and I are together that we might actually have to go out. Rob found out that Bob and I are "going out" and Rob is mad.
Here are my questions. Is this prank right or wrong? What about Bob? Should I really ask him out, give him hints or anything (remember that we used to like each other)?
Sincerely,
Lexie
*** *** ***
Dear Lexie,
Wow! There are so many mistakes that were made here, it's hard to know where to start.
I'll say this one more time, for anyone who is new to this advice column. Dating is NOT a spectator sport. The main idea behind it isn't supposed to be a popularity contest and way to improve your social standing. It's about getting to know someone you like, having a good time with them and - yes, learning and making mistakes along the way. The moment you bring other people into it, you're headed for trouble - as you already found out.
Ellen is right. Once rumors start they're almost impossible to stop. If I were either Bob or Rob I'd be very uncomfortable starting a dating relationship with you. You are probably a great kid and would make a great girlfriend someday. But how will either of these guys trust you with the prank you just pulled?
So to answer your first question, yes what you did was wrong. Just ask yourself how you would feel if this was done to you.
The second question - should you go out with Bob - I don't think you're ready for a dating relationship at the moment. Too much danger of someone's feelings really getting hurt. If you want to ask him out, it's your choice. But at the moment I don't see much chance for a good "going out" relationship for the two of you. You might want to wait a while until this whole other incident is over. Then you'll be sure you're asking him out for the right reasons, and are ready to really "go out."
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
"Bob" and I have been friends ever since we stared 7th grade. We talked in class and everything. My friends tease me and say we should go out. Bob and I ignore them. Then in November, Bob and I secretly liked each other. We didn't tell each other because we needed to know what we would say. I told bob that I had a crush on me and he told me the same thing. Now we are still single best friends.
Recently, my friends and I decided to play a joke on another guy who likes him (we will call him Rob). So "Rob" asked me out twice, the first time I said no, the second time I said yes and dumped him 30 minutes later.
One day Rob found out the Bob asked me to go with him to a place as friends. When Rob found this out, he said "Bob, are you messing with my girl?" Now my friends, Bob and I decided to play a trick on Rob and say that Bob & I are going out.
My other friend (we will call her Ellen) said that once the rumors start it's hard to stop and Bob and I said we can handle it. Ellen also said that since people are going to think that Bob and I are together that we might actually have to go out. Rob found out that Bob and I are "going out" and Rob is mad.
Here are my questions. Is this prank right or wrong? What about Bob? Should I really ask him out, give him hints or anything (remember that we used to like each other)?
Sincerely,
Lexie
*** *** ***
Dear Lexie,
Wow! There are so many mistakes that were made here, it's hard to know where to start.
I'll say this one more time, for anyone who is new to this advice column. Dating is NOT a spectator sport. The main idea behind it isn't supposed to be a popularity contest and way to improve your social standing. It's about getting to know someone you like, having a good time with them and - yes, learning and making mistakes along the way. The moment you bring other people into it, you're headed for trouble - as you already found out.
Ellen is right. Once rumors start they're almost impossible to stop. If I were either Bob or Rob I'd be very uncomfortable starting a dating relationship with you. You are probably a great kid and would make a great girlfriend someday. But how will either of these guys trust you with the prank you just pulled?
So to answer your first question, yes what you did was wrong. Just ask yourself how you would feel if this was done to you.
The second question - should you go out with Bob - I don't think you're ready for a dating relationship at the moment. Too much danger of someone's feelings really getting hurt. If you want to ask him out, it's your choice. But at the moment I don't see much chance for a good "going out" relationship for the two of you. You might want to wait a while until this whole other incident is over. Then you'll be sure you're asking him out for the right reasons, and are ready to really "go out."
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:31 PM
