Monday, February 12, 2007
Backstabbed By Friend
Dear Guidance Guy,
Well I like this guy named Joe but Joe likes my best friend Alexis. I come to find out that Alexis likes Joe. I tell her that its OK if she likes him, and she tells me that she'd never hurt me like that by hooking up with him. The subject is dropped and everything's fine.
Then I come to find out that they did hook up behind my back. I know I'm sounding cheap but we were best friends and she just did that. I'm stuck in a rut. I have no idea what to do. I can't bear to see her face but I go to school with her! I'm scared. What should I do?
Hurt By Her Best Friend
*** *** ***
Dear Hurt,
I agree that it was wrong for your friend to say one thing and do another. In fact it wasn't a good idea on her part to make a promise she would have a hard time keeping.
You might want to figure out what is most bothering you first. Is it that the guy you liked is no longer available? Do you feel like you "lost out" to another person? Is it that you were lied to?
Part of your reaction will depend on how your friend handles things. If she apologized for not telling the truth, it looks like forgiving her is your best option. If it's that she didn't apologize, I recommend you forgive her anyway. The forgiving isn't for her...it's for YOU. It's so you move on to the next part of your life without the fear and anger you have now.
Of course that doesn't mean you forget what happened. Foriving and forgetting are two different things. I would certainly be careful about what you tell her. I believe in spending as much time as possible with people who respect me and I respect back. If this was a one time mistake on her part, you can choose how you want to handle it. But if it's something that happens a lot, you may want to make a different choice.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
Well I like this guy named Joe but Joe likes my best friend Alexis. I come to find out that Alexis likes Joe. I tell her that its OK if she likes him, and she tells me that she'd never hurt me like that by hooking up with him. The subject is dropped and everything's fine.
Then I come to find out that they did hook up behind my back. I know I'm sounding cheap but we were best friends and she just did that. I'm stuck in a rut. I have no idea what to do. I can't bear to see her face but I go to school with her! I'm scared. What should I do?
Hurt By Her Best Friend
*** *** ***
Dear Hurt,
I agree that it was wrong for your friend to say one thing and do another. In fact it wasn't a good idea on her part to make a promise she would have a hard time keeping.
You might want to figure out what is most bothering you first. Is it that the guy you liked is no longer available? Do you feel like you "lost out" to another person? Is it that you were lied to?
Part of your reaction will depend on how your friend handles things. If she apologized for not telling the truth, it looks like forgiving her is your best option. If it's that she didn't apologize, I recommend you forgive her anyway. The forgiving isn't for her...it's for YOU. It's so you move on to the next part of your life without the fear and anger you have now.
Of course that doesn't mean you forget what happened. Foriving and forgetting are two different things. I would certainly be careful about what you tell her. I believe in spending as much time as possible with people who respect me and I respect back. If this was a one time mistake on her part, you can choose how you want to handle it. But if it's something that happens a lot, you may want to make a different choice.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:00 PM
