Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Taking Care of Number One
Dear Guidance Guy,
Well this is really the first time I've written down my problems to anybody. I'm going to adress a couple of my problems. Let's start with one of my best friends. She is younger than I am and I understand most of the things she is going through but I'm really busy with school and trying to catch up with the things that I really need to focus on. I feel that I'm losing her as a friend. I think since I haven't really been there for her she is looking for friendship with other people but she throws it in my face every second she can. I feel badly but I try to be there but I guess it's not good enough.
She means a lot to me but I also feel like I'm her boyfriend and thats not cool because we're best friends. I don't think she trusts me because of problems with me and her mom not agreeing on stuff. I'm sorry I sound so confused but like I said before this is my first time. I don't know how to address her anymore and the more I try to be her friend the more I feel she is holding back and not wanting to let me be there for her.
Lost Friend Looking for the Light
*** *** ***
Dear Lost,
I think you did a fabulous job of explaining the situation. Very good, especially for a first time!
You need to start with understanding what friendship is. Everyone has their own definition. Here's mine: someone who's there for you because they WANT to be, not because they HAVE to be. If it's not by choice, it's not friendship, it's a chore. Those friendships don't last very long (I hope). If your definition of friendship is something else, then you should definitely drop everything that's important to you and help her no matter what. You should also tolerate the things she throws in your face.
Of course, I don't think that's what you are looking for, otherwise you wouldn't be writing. It may be your friend isn't as mature as you are, which makes it tough for you to be eqaul in many ways. It looks like you want to teach her some of the things you know about life. The best way to teach isn't to tell people things. It's showing them by doing it yourself. If your friend's behavior is inappropriate and you decide to take more time for yourself, she will learn an important lesson about how to be a good friend.
Think about what they tell you on airplanes about the oxygen masks that come from the ceiling. Before you help anyone else, you have to put the mask on yourself. The same is true for you. Before you can be a good friend, you have to be strong. If someone is making you feel bad, you won't be good for them...or yourself. You can try and explain this to her if you want. But even if she doesn't get it, I still recommend taking care of the most important person in the world first...yourself.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
Well this is really the first time I've written down my problems to anybody. I'm going to adress a couple of my problems. Let's start with one of my best friends. She is younger than I am and I understand most of the things she is going through but I'm really busy with school and trying to catch up with the things that I really need to focus on. I feel that I'm losing her as a friend. I think since I haven't really been there for her she is looking for friendship with other people but she throws it in my face every second she can. I feel badly but I try to be there but I guess it's not good enough.
She means a lot to me but I also feel like I'm her boyfriend and thats not cool because we're best friends. I don't think she trusts me because of problems with me and her mom not agreeing on stuff. I'm sorry I sound so confused but like I said before this is my first time. I don't know how to address her anymore and the more I try to be her friend the more I feel she is holding back and not wanting to let me be there for her.
Lost Friend Looking for the Light
*** *** ***
Dear Lost,
I think you did a fabulous job of explaining the situation. Very good, especially for a first time!
You need to start with understanding what friendship is. Everyone has their own definition. Here's mine: someone who's there for you because they WANT to be, not because they HAVE to be. If it's not by choice, it's not friendship, it's a chore. Those friendships don't last very long (I hope). If your definition of friendship is something else, then you should definitely drop everything that's important to you and help her no matter what. You should also tolerate the things she throws in your face.
Of course, I don't think that's what you are looking for, otherwise you wouldn't be writing. It may be your friend isn't as mature as you are, which makes it tough for you to be eqaul in many ways. It looks like you want to teach her some of the things you know about life. The best way to teach isn't to tell people things. It's showing them by doing it yourself. If your friend's behavior is inappropriate and you decide to take more time for yourself, she will learn an important lesson about how to be a good friend.
Think about what they tell you on airplanes about the oxygen masks that come from the ceiling. Before you help anyone else, you have to put the mask on yourself. The same is true for you. Before you can be a good friend, you have to be strong. If someone is making you feel bad, you won't be good for them...or yourself. You can try and explain this to her if you want. But even if she doesn't get it, I still recommend taking care of the most important person in the world first...yourself.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 1:31 PM
