Saturday, January 27, 2007
On Line Guy, And The Other Girl
Dear Guidance Guy,
I like this guy I've only ever talked to online. I don't plan on meeting him not anytime soon and I'm careful and all that junk with relation to people you've nevermet, but that's not the the problem.The problem is we hardly ever get to talk that much and he knows I like him and think he is really sweet. But when he goes home for breaks he's a workaholic. And when he's at college he's online more but he's either with this female friend of his that he has a "friends with benefits" thing going (that wasn't going on when I first got to know him). When we do talk he's really sweet and I can ignore all that stuff.
But I'm not sure if I have any right to tell him I'd like for more consistency in his being online. I mean yes, I work too and sometimes that interferes, but I hate wanting to talk with him only to find out he's busy or with her.
On Line Friend
*** *** ***
Dear On Line Friend,
I'm going to tell you something you probably already know...you have no basis for a relationship with him. You don't plan on meeting him. You chat with him on the computer, but have no idea what he sounds like, what he looks like live, what he smells like when he's wearing nice cologne, etc. And the same is true for him. He doesn't know you in any of most people consider the important ways. It seems like he enjoys chatting with you but it's not a priority for him.
This leaves you a few choices. You can decide you want to get to know him better and take steps to do so. And this is where the "being careful and all that junk" speech comes in. He doesn't seem like a high risk guy, especially since he's not actively trying to meet you. But that's not for me to determine. You can also gently let go of how important this relationship is to you. Keep your on line friendship, just don't make it as big a part of your life as it is now. And of course, you can dump the relationship altogether.
You absolutely do not have the right to tell him you'd like more consistency. There's no contract between the two of you. I'm guessing that would be the quickest way to kill off the fun parts of your friendship. It becomes a chore. This also means he doesn't have any claims on your time either.
In my perfect world for you, you get to write to him about the new people you meet and the new guy you're dating. A few years down the road he invites you to his wedding and you to his. You laugh as you talk about how this wonderful, free and easy friendship began. Let that picture roll around for a while!
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I like this guy I've only ever talked to online. I don't plan on meeting him not anytime soon and I'm careful and all that junk with relation to people you've nevermet, but that's not the the problem.The problem is we hardly ever get to talk that much and he knows I like him and think he is really sweet. But when he goes home for breaks he's a workaholic. And when he's at college he's online more but he's either with this female friend of his that he has a "friends with benefits" thing going (that wasn't going on when I first got to know him). When we do talk he's really sweet and I can ignore all that stuff.
But I'm not sure if I have any right to tell him I'd like for more consistency in his being online. I mean yes, I work too and sometimes that interferes, but I hate wanting to talk with him only to find out he's busy or with her.
On Line Friend
*** *** ***
Dear On Line Friend,
I'm going to tell you something you probably already know...you have no basis for a relationship with him. You don't plan on meeting him. You chat with him on the computer, but have no idea what he sounds like, what he looks like live, what he smells like when he's wearing nice cologne, etc. And the same is true for him. He doesn't know you in any of most people consider the important ways. It seems like he enjoys chatting with you but it's not a priority for him.
This leaves you a few choices. You can decide you want to get to know him better and take steps to do so. And this is where the "being careful and all that junk" speech comes in. He doesn't seem like a high risk guy, especially since he's not actively trying to meet you. But that's not for me to determine. You can also gently let go of how important this relationship is to you. Keep your on line friendship, just don't make it as big a part of your life as it is now. And of course, you can dump the relationship altogether.
You absolutely do not have the right to tell him you'd like more consistency. There's no contract between the two of you. I'm guessing that would be the quickest way to kill off the fun parts of your friendship. It becomes a chore. This also means he doesn't have any claims on your time either.
In my perfect world for you, you get to write to him about the new people you meet and the new guy you're dating. A few years down the road he invites you to his wedding and you to his. You laugh as you talk about how this wonderful, free and easy friendship began. Let that picture roll around for a while!
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 11:27 AM
