Friday, January 19, 2007
How Do I Get My Cousin To Be Nice?
Dear Guidance Guy,
Lately I've been having trouble with my cousin. he and I used to be the best of friends even though there is a six year age gap between us. But lately he has been teasing me. And my sister, who used to give me good advice has sided with him and always laughs when he makes fun of me. What makes all of this worse is that he has been living with my grandparents lately and I visit them almost every day.
I've told my parents and my mum has spoken to him, but he has lied his way out of it. Because I have trouble controlling my emotions, I end up yelling at him or hitting him. Now everytime I visit my grandparents I just go on the computer and talk to my anime friends.
I'm starting to feel like I don't fit in any more because I'm the youngest. Please tell me how I can get my cousin to be nice again!
Trapped in a Room
*** *** ***
Dear Trapped,
There's a pretty big age difference between you and your cousin. You don't say how old you are, but if you are a pre-teen or young teen, he is either an older teen or young adult. There may not be a lot the two of you have in common. The other thing that jumps out is that he lives with your grandparents. I'm wondering why he isn't living with his own parents. If there was some family upset that caused him to move out, he might be angry, which could be a reason why he isn't as nice as he used to be.
You don't have control over whether your cousin is nice or not. It looks like he's going through a tough time of his own. That doesn't give him the right to be mean. But he may need his space right now. You DO get to control how you react to him. If you have trouble controlling your emotions, this is a good place to start. You can begin by talking to yourself to calm down. It might help to realize what's going on probably has nothing to do with you. If you have other friends - on the computer or in school or the neighborhood - this would be a good time to make some of those friendships stronger.
But the main message I want you to understand is that your happiness doesn't depend on your cousin, or anyone else. You can look at things any way you want. Think of things that are going well in your life. You have two parents and a set of grandparents, plus a computer you can use to communicate with other people. That's a very good start. Figure out what else is going well and think more about that.
In time things will probably get better with your cousin. When he's ready he'll come back. Meanwhile just be yourself. That's good enough.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
Lately I've been having trouble with my cousin. he and I used to be the best of friends even though there is a six year age gap between us. But lately he has been teasing me. And my sister, who used to give me good advice has sided with him and always laughs when he makes fun of me. What makes all of this worse is that he has been living with my grandparents lately and I visit them almost every day.
I've told my parents and my mum has spoken to him, but he has lied his way out of it. Because I have trouble controlling my emotions, I end up yelling at him or hitting him. Now everytime I visit my grandparents I just go on the computer and talk to my anime friends.
I'm starting to feel like I don't fit in any more because I'm the youngest. Please tell me how I can get my cousin to be nice again!
Trapped in a Room
*** *** ***
Dear Trapped,
There's a pretty big age difference between you and your cousin. You don't say how old you are, but if you are a pre-teen or young teen, he is either an older teen or young adult. There may not be a lot the two of you have in common. The other thing that jumps out is that he lives with your grandparents. I'm wondering why he isn't living with his own parents. If there was some family upset that caused him to move out, he might be angry, which could be a reason why he isn't as nice as he used to be.
You don't have control over whether your cousin is nice or not. It looks like he's going through a tough time of his own. That doesn't give him the right to be mean. But he may need his space right now. You DO get to control how you react to him. If you have trouble controlling your emotions, this is a good place to start. You can begin by talking to yourself to calm down. It might help to realize what's going on probably has nothing to do with you. If you have other friends - on the computer or in school or the neighborhood - this would be a good time to make some of those friendships stronger.
But the main message I want you to understand is that your happiness doesn't depend on your cousin, or anyone else. You can look at things any way you want. Think of things that are going well in your life. You have two parents and a set of grandparents, plus a computer you can use to communicate with other people. That's a very good start. Figure out what else is going well and think more about that.
In time things will probably get better with your cousin. When he's ready he'll come back. Meanwhile just be yourself. That's good enough.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 12:44 PM
