Sunday, January 21, 2007
Flirting Teacher
Dear Guidance Guy,
I'm in my victory lap year of high school and every year I've had the same teahcer for one class or another. He and I get along really well but sometimes I catch myself flirting with him and him flirting with me. He even flirts in front of one teacher who doesn't mind but all the other teachers go silent when I'm around him and he's talking to me.
On my side it's harmless but I'm not sure about him. Why would he risk his job by doing this, does he mean anything by it? Because he only does it to me and everyone thinks there's something going on but when I catch myself flirting I stop right away. What should I do or say to him?
Concerned
*** *** ***
Dear Concerned,
Flirting is a funny word. It means different things to different people. It can certainly be harmless fun, or it can cross boundaries of behavior that's appropriate for the situation. Based on the reactions of other people - students and teachers - my guess is that the contact is inappropriate for the situation you're in.
I disagree with your statement that it's harmless on your side, because there is harm being done...to you. Nothing physical has happened, but it's making you uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn't have written about it. There's also the fact that it is more difficult for this man to teach you the subject he's supposed to teach when there's an additional layer to your relationship. And right or wrong, other teachers are forming opinions about you. And some of these teachers are probably teaching you...and grading you. There's also the harm that's being done to this man's professional reputation. This is not your fault or your responsibilty. But you are right. At the very least, he is raising suspicions among other teachers and administrators.
You do not have to do or say anything to him. You only have to change the way you interact with him. In other words, stop flirting. Be all business when you deal with him. And don't deal with him about anything other than school work. If he's got any common sense, he'll understand the change in your behavior and react similarly. But if he seems to get more "flirty" or put any kind of pressure on you, it's time to tell another adult - parents or a counselor or principal you aren't comfortable with the way he deals with you.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
I'm in my victory lap year of high school and every year I've had the same teahcer for one class or another. He and I get along really well but sometimes I catch myself flirting with him and him flirting with me. He even flirts in front of one teacher who doesn't mind but all the other teachers go silent when I'm around him and he's talking to me.
On my side it's harmless but I'm not sure about him. Why would he risk his job by doing this, does he mean anything by it? Because he only does it to me and everyone thinks there's something going on but when I catch myself flirting I stop right away. What should I do or say to him?
Concerned
*** *** ***
Dear Concerned,
Flirting is a funny word. It means different things to different people. It can certainly be harmless fun, or it can cross boundaries of behavior that's appropriate for the situation. Based on the reactions of other people - students and teachers - my guess is that the contact is inappropriate for the situation you're in.
I disagree with your statement that it's harmless on your side, because there is harm being done...to you. Nothing physical has happened, but it's making you uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn't have written about it. There's also the fact that it is more difficult for this man to teach you the subject he's supposed to teach when there's an additional layer to your relationship. And right or wrong, other teachers are forming opinions about you. And some of these teachers are probably teaching you...and grading you. There's also the harm that's being done to this man's professional reputation. This is not your fault or your responsibilty. But you are right. At the very least, he is raising suspicions among other teachers and administrators.
You do not have to do or say anything to him. You only have to change the way you interact with him. In other words, stop flirting. Be all business when you deal with him. And don't deal with him about anything other than school work. If he's got any common sense, he'll understand the change in your behavior and react similarly. But if he seems to get more "flirty" or put any kind of pressure on you, it's time to tell another adult - parents or a counselor or principal you aren't comfortable with the way he deals with you.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 5:56 AM
