Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Best Friend Moved, New Friend Is Annoying
Dear Guidance Guy,
I'm really confused right now. I have been quite depressed lately (actually it's been about one or two months that it's been pretty bad) and I think it's because my best friend moved away in the summer and even though it's only a ferry ride away from here to where she is, I still really miss her. We've been talking less and less on the phone lately too. I'm not too worried about that because she hasn't changed in any way but I just think I'd be happier if I could talk to her more often...but I don't want to seem too clingy.
I've had days where I just want to cry and days where I'm mostly happy but most of the time I feel very lonely. There's also this group of guys who just love to be jerks to me. One person in that group is my ex boyfriend...(also current long term boyfriend of my best friend). He seems to act like a jerk around his friends but when I talk to him when he's not with them, he acts like the person he was when we were friends (in the summer and grade 8)...just plain nice and funny. I really want to be friends with him again but I don't think it's possible with his other friends around.
My "best friend" before the one I have now had a huge fight over the summer too...it was because I was hanging out with my current best friend too much and she seems to dislike her very much. We weren't talking for about two months but a few months ago she just out of the blue said she wanted to be friends again. I agreed, but it's not the same with her anymore. I actually find her pretty annoying at times; I think that's the problem with her in the first place...it's because she always seems to only think/talk about herself and her problems. I never get to have a say...unlike with my best friend who moved away.
Confused Girl
*** *** ***
Dear Confused,
It seems to me like you're going through some very normal stuff for a ninth grader (I'm guessing because you mentioned grade eight as being last year). At this stage friends become very important to a lot of kids. And when a best friend moves away it can hurt a lot, as you've found out.
You are probably right in not wanting to seem too clingy to your friend. In fact, it's not about how you seem to her. It would be great if you didn't NEED anyone to be your best friend. Friendships are best when they are about WANTING to be with someone, not needing to be with them.
Let a counselor at school know if you're feeling so depressed you're not sure how to handle things, This doesn't make you crazy or abnormal. It just means you need help in getting through a rough time. By the way, my guess is that the group of guys are harassing you because you're putting out signals of an unhappy person, and that causes people who like to pick on others to zoom in on you. Once you feel better about yourself you won't be such an easy target.
As you get older you're going to realize you are good enough just the way you are. Friends are great, and people who are comfortable with themselves have the best friendships. You are on the right path.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I'm really confused right now. I have been quite depressed lately (actually it's been about one or two months that it's been pretty bad) and I think it's because my best friend moved away in the summer and even though it's only a ferry ride away from here to where she is, I still really miss her. We've been talking less and less on the phone lately too. I'm not too worried about that because she hasn't changed in any way but I just think I'd be happier if I could talk to her more often...but I don't want to seem too clingy.
I've had days where I just want to cry and days where I'm mostly happy but most of the time I feel very lonely. There's also this group of guys who just love to be jerks to me. One person in that group is my ex boyfriend...(also current long term boyfriend of my best friend). He seems to act like a jerk around his friends but when I talk to him when he's not with them, he acts like the person he was when we were friends (in the summer and grade 8)...just plain nice and funny. I really want to be friends with him again but I don't think it's possible with his other friends around.
My "best friend" before the one I have now had a huge fight over the summer too...it was because I was hanging out with my current best friend too much and she seems to dislike her very much. We weren't talking for about two months but a few months ago she just out of the blue said she wanted to be friends again. I agreed, but it's not the same with her anymore. I actually find her pretty annoying at times; I think that's the problem with her in the first place...it's because she always seems to only think/talk about herself and her problems. I never get to have a say...unlike with my best friend who moved away.
Confused Girl
*** *** ***
Dear Confused,
It seems to me like you're going through some very normal stuff for a ninth grader (I'm guessing because you mentioned grade eight as being last year). At this stage friends become very important to a lot of kids. And when a best friend moves away it can hurt a lot, as you've found out.
You are probably right in not wanting to seem too clingy to your friend. In fact, it's not about how you seem to her. It would be great if you didn't NEED anyone to be your best friend. Friendships are best when they are about WANTING to be with someone, not needing to be with them.
Let a counselor at school know if you're feeling so depressed you're not sure how to handle things, This doesn't make you crazy or abnormal. It just means you need help in getting through a rough time. By the way, my guess is that the group of guys are harassing you because you're putting out signals of an unhappy person, and that causes people who like to pick on others to zoom in on you. Once you feel better about yourself you won't be such an easy target.
As you get older you're going to realize you are good enough just the way you are. Friends are great, and people who are comfortable with themselves have the best friendships. You are on the right path.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 1:25 PM
