Wednesday, December 27, 2006
My Best Friend Is Nine Years Older
Dear Guidance Guy,
I have a best friend who is about nine and a half years older than I am. We're really close and talk a lot about boys and stuff...in my life. Now, she's had a boyfriend for years so I expect things to be a little different in that category, but there are many things that I want to find out about her. But I can't ask her because they are really personal, like some things about her family and stuff. I know that it's none of my business but it would be nice to have her open up
to me a little.
There are so many things that I know about, but don't know why, or how, you know that kind of stuff. It probably has something to do with me being so much younger. I'm 17. But still. For years I've known about all these things, trying to put the pieces together. For example, she has a stepfather that she doesn't like. Nobody has ever called him her stepdad. She only refers to him as her mom's husband. She lives about two hours away so I've only met him once. She never mentions him though. I'm not even sure if he has any kids of his own. I don't want to ask anything about him. She was also engaged to her boyfriend once and they broke up for years before they got back together. Most of this I find out from other family members, particularly her grandmother who lives nearby and is like a grandma to me. I used to live next door to her which is how I met the family.
I sometimes feel kind of left out, because she won't tell me anything. Any ideas?
Cicely
*** *** ***
Dear Cicely,
I'm wondering if your friend sees you more as a little sister than a best friend. It seems like she is kind and interested in your life, but is much more guarded when it comes to her own personal situation. That doesn't make her less of a good person, but my definition of best friend is someone you can talk with as equals, including the "secret stuff."
You say she won't tell you anything, but I don't see anywhere in your letter where you've actually asked her anything. Have you ever asked her about anything from her past? She might be willing to share things. She might also assume you know a lot of stuff, since you know her family so well. Try asking her a question from her past - nothing too personal - and see what kind of answer you get.
One final thought, Cicely. Don't be too hurt if she isn't willing to share information. Take this friendship for wherever it goes and be grateful for someone willing to listen and help. But I think it's a great idea for you to find some people with whom you have more things in common. Maybe hanging out with someone older will have made you more mature, and interesting to other older teens.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
I have a best friend who is about nine and a half years older than I am. We're really close and talk a lot about boys and stuff...in my life. Now, she's had a boyfriend for years so I expect things to be a little different in that category, but there are many things that I want to find out about her. But I can't ask her because they are really personal, like some things about her family and stuff. I know that it's none of my business but it would be nice to have her open up
to me a little.
There are so many things that I know about, but don't know why, or how, you know that kind of stuff. It probably has something to do with me being so much younger. I'm 17. But still. For years I've known about all these things, trying to put the pieces together. For example, she has a stepfather that she doesn't like. Nobody has ever called him her stepdad. She only refers to him as her mom's husband. She lives about two hours away so I've only met him once. She never mentions him though. I'm not even sure if he has any kids of his own. I don't want to ask anything about him. She was also engaged to her boyfriend once and they broke up for years before they got back together. Most of this I find out from other family members, particularly her grandmother who lives nearby and is like a grandma to me. I used to live next door to her which is how I met the family.
I sometimes feel kind of left out, because she won't tell me anything. Any ideas?
Cicely
*** *** ***
Dear Cicely,
I'm wondering if your friend sees you more as a little sister than a best friend. It seems like she is kind and interested in your life, but is much more guarded when it comes to her own personal situation. That doesn't make her less of a good person, but my definition of best friend is someone you can talk with as equals, including the "secret stuff."
You say she won't tell you anything, but I don't see anywhere in your letter where you've actually asked her anything. Have you ever asked her about anything from her past? She might be willing to share things. She might also assume you know a lot of stuff, since you know her family so well. Try asking her a question from her past - nothing too personal - and see what kind of answer you get.
One final thought, Cicely. Don't be too hurt if she isn't willing to share information. Take this friendship for wherever it goes and be grateful for someone willing to listen and help. But I think it's a great idea for you to find some people with whom you have more things in common. Maybe hanging out with someone older will have made you more mature, and interesting to other older teens.
Thanks for your letter,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 5:21 AM
