Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I'm Gay. Where Do I Go From Here?
Dear Guidance Guy,
I have never told anyone this before but I am gay. I have felt this way for a long time. Now my problem is my Dad. He does not like gays or anything to do with the gay lifestyle. He thinks gays are responsible for all of the world's problems. How do I tell him that I am gay? I tried to tell before but he got all mad and then I told him that I was just kidding and I did not bring it up again. My mom is a litle more accepting of this but not much more. Where do I go from here? What do I do?
Kevin B.
*** *** ***
Dear Kevin,
The first thing I'd like you to do is figure out why you want to tell your father at this time. You tried to tell him once before and he didn't react well. He probably knows you weren't kidding and is just dealing with it by pretending it didn't happen.
My guess is you would really like your father's approval and his love. I understand this completely. It just doesn't seem as if he's ready to give it at this point. He has a lot of prejudices about gay people and they don't go away very easily. Perhaps your mother will have an easier time dealing with this, but it's the same issue. I don't want you to be forced to have anyone's approval before you are happy.
So the trick is going to be finding a way to be happy with yourself no matter what your parents or anyone else thinks. So I'd like to compliment you for being brave enough to tell your father in the first place. That was a very courageous move.
There are communities of gays and people who support gay people in many communities. Sometimes they're in schools themselves. Sometimes they are in the communities you live in. A good starting point is The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network at www.glsen.org. It's a well respected group that helps gay teens and people who support them.
Kevin, as you get older it will become easier to be yourself and not have to seek approval from other people. Maybe you're doing fine now. If you hang in there and know you are just great the way you are, things will get better no matter what those around you think.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
I have never told anyone this before but I am gay. I have felt this way for a long time. Now my problem is my Dad. He does not like gays or anything to do with the gay lifestyle. He thinks gays are responsible for all of the world's problems. How do I tell him that I am gay? I tried to tell before but he got all mad and then I told him that I was just kidding and I did not bring it up again. My mom is a litle more accepting of this but not much more. Where do I go from here? What do I do?
Kevin B.
*** *** ***
Dear Kevin,
The first thing I'd like you to do is figure out why you want to tell your father at this time. You tried to tell him once before and he didn't react well. He probably knows you weren't kidding and is just dealing with it by pretending it didn't happen.
My guess is you would really like your father's approval and his love. I understand this completely. It just doesn't seem as if he's ready to give it at this point. He has a lot of prejudices about gay people and they don't go away very easily. Perhaps your mother will have an easier time dealing with this, but it's the same issue. I don't want you to be forced to have anyone's approval before you are happy.
So the trick is going to be finding a way to be happy with yourself no matter what your parents or anyone else thinks. So I'd like to compliment you for being brave enough to tell your father in the first place. That was a very courageous move.
There are communities of gays and people who support gay people in many communities. Sometimes they're in schools themselves. Sometimes they are in the communities you live in. A good starting point is The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network at www.glsen.org. It's a well respected group that helps gay teens and people who support them.
Kevin, as you get older it will become easier to be yourself and not have to seek approval from other people. Maybe you're doing fine now. If you hang in there and know you are just great the way you are, things will get better no matter what those around you think.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 3:18 PM
