Thursday, November 16, 2006
I Miss My Friends
Dear Guidance Guy,
I have been best friends with these three girl ever since 3rd grade. I'm in 8th grade now and they all decided to leave me last spring. I dont know why. These girls haven't talked to me since. I haven't had any friends in school since. I don't know what to do! I tried hanging out with another group of girls but it seems different. I really miss them a lot. They miss me too but they said that they can't go through with it again. I think I have an idea of what this problem is about but it's not that big of a deal. Please help me! I miss them!
Neha
*** *** ***
Dear Neha,
I'm a little confused by your letter. At one point you said you don't know why they left you, but then you said you have an idea. Whatever it is, you may not think it's that big of a deal, but they certainly do. And they get to decide how big a deal it is.
I'm guessing the reason why you're having such a hard time finding new friends is that you're so worried about it. You have a lot of insecurity. People pick up on that and it turns them off. This is not a personal statement about you because I'm sure you're a great person. But when you want friends too much it becomes more difficult to get them.
Your first job should be to get more comfortable with yourself. Think about the things you like about yourself. Make a list and look at it often. Don't worry about who likes you and who doesn't. If you like yourself other people show up in your life. If you don't, other people will show up, but it will be other people who aren't happy. I don't think that's what you want.
If you continue to have a hard time, talk to a counselor at your school. There are often groups that can help people who have difficulty with friends. I've seen these work very well for kids. That might be the thing you need to get through this difficult time.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I have been best friends with these three girl ever since 3rd grade. I'm in 8th grade now and they all decided to leave me last spring. I dont know why. These girls haven't talked to me since. I haven't had any friends in school since. I don't know what to do! I tried hanging out with another group of girls but it seems different. I really miss them a lot. They miss me too but they said that they can't go through with it again. I think I have an idea of what this problem is about but it's not that big of a deal. Please help me! I miss them!
Neha
*** *** ***
Dear Neha,
I'm a little confused by your letter. At one point you said you don't know why they left you, but then you said you have an idea. Whatever it is, you may not think it's that big of a deal, but they certainly do. And they get to decide how big a deal it is.
I'm guessing the reason why you're having such a hard time finding new friends is that you're so worried about it. You have a lot of insecurity. People pick up on that and it turns them off. This is not a personal statement about you because I'm sure you're a great person. But when you want friends too much it becomes more difficult to get them.
Your first job should be to get more comfortable with yourself. Think about the things you like about yourself. Make a list and look at it often. Don't worry about who likes you and who doesn't. If you like yourself other people show up in your life. If you don't, other people will show up, but it will be other people who aren't happy. I don't think that's what you want.
If you continue to have a hard time, talk to a counselor at your school. There are often groups that can help people who have difficulty with friends. I've seen these work very well for kids. That might be the thing you need to get through this difficult time.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 3:06 AM
