Saturday, November 11, 2006
How Do I Make Everyone Happy (including myself?)
Dear Guidance Guy,
I'm a 13-year-old 8th grade girl who's totally obsessed with getting good grades. I try my best to do well in school. When I started off this year, I got all A's but lately, I've gone down to a B. Now, I think that being a B student is normal but my family disagrees with me. Every time I bring a progress report home and they see my grades, they get all disappointed and they tell me to do better because a B isn't good enough for them. I have a very BUSY life, and it's really hard for me to balance homework, family and my social life all at once, BUT, I still do it anyway. I want to do anything and EVERYTHING I can to make everyone happy.
But the thing is, by me trying to make others happy with grades and stuff, I'm making things harder for me because I'm always so STRESSED out. How can I can I explain things to everyone that I'm trying my best without getting them mad?
Sincerely,
Trina
*** *** ***
Dear Trina,
I don't believe in a grade that is normal. I believe in people doing the best they can in all parts of their lives - school, family, social life, activities, etc. Growing up is a time for learning: in school and out of school. I also believe in people having fun and enjoying themselves while they learn. What's the point in doing something if it's just going to make you unhappy?
So I don't believe a B is normal or abnormal. You need to decide if a B is the best you can do. If it is, be happy with it and don't worry about what everyone else says. But based on your letter and how well you write, I'm thinking you're capable of A work. For you the trick will be balancing all the different parts of your life and not having too much stress.
You identified part of the problem already. You're worried about making everyone happy. Their happiness isn't your job. It's their own. And your happiness isn't their job. I'm sure your family loves you and wants you to be happy. I don't think this is a matter of trying your best. I think this might be about being more organized and having a system that works better for you. And it may be about giving up some things that aren't as important so you have more room for the things you like.
Two books might be helpful for you, Trina. Take a look at THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TEENS by Sean Covey. And look at SO, YOU WANNA GO TO COLLEGE... by me. Even though it's about college, there's a great section on focusing on the things that are important to you. SEVEN HABITS is available at bookstores. SO, YOU WANNA... is available at my on line bookstore.
To answer the quetion you asked me, print out this letter and show it to anyone who should know what you're going through. You did a very good job explaining your situation.
Thanks for a great letter,
The Guidance Guy
I'm a 13-year-old 8th grade girl who's totally obsessed with getting good grades. I try my best to do well in school. When I started off this year, I got all A's but lately, I've gone down to a B. Now, I think that being a B student is normal but my family disagrees with me. Every time I bring a progress report home and they see my grades, they get all disappointed and they tell me to do better because a B isn't good enough for them. I have a very BUSY life, and it's really hard for me to balance homework, family and my social life all at once, BUT, I still do it anyway. I want to do anything and EVERYTHING I can to make everyone happy.
But the thing is, by me trying to make others happy with grades and stuff, I'm making things harder for me because I'm always so STRESSED out. How can I can I explain things to everyone that I'm trying my best without getting them mad?
Sincerely,
Trina
*** *** ***
Dear Trina,
I don't believe in a grade that is normal. I believe in people doing the best they can in all parts of their lives - school, family, social life, activities, etc. Growing up is a time for learning: in school and out of school. I also believe in people having fun and enjoying themselves while they learn. What's the point in doing something if it's just going to make you unhappy?
So I don't believe a B is normal or abnormal. You need to decide if a B is the best you can do. If it is, be happy with it and don't worry about what everyone else says. But based on your letter and how well you write, I'm thinking you're capable of A work. For you the trick will be balancing all the different parts of your life and not having too much stress.
You identified part of the problem already. You're worried about making everyone happy. Their happiness isn't your job. It's their own. And your happiness isn't their job. I'm sure your family loves you and wants you to be happy. I don't think this is a matter of trying your best. I think this might be about being more organized and having a system that works better for you. And it may be about giving up some things that aren't as important so you have more room for the things you like.
Two books might be helpful for you, Trina. Take a look at THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TEENS by Sean Covey. And look at SO, YOU WANNA GO TO COLLEGE... by me. Even though it's about college, there's a great section on focusing on the things that are important to you. SEVEN HABITS is available at bookstores. SO, YOU WANNA... is available at my on line bookstore.
To answer the quetion you asked me, print out this letter and show it to anyone who should know what you're going through. You did a very good job explaining your situation.
Thanks for a great letter,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 5:31 AM
