Friday, November 24, 2006
Daydreaming About My Ex
Dear Guidance Guy,
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago and we're more or less or less friends now even though it didn't start out that way after he dumped me. He has moved on. Where as I... well, I'm not a crying mess or anything like I was for a while. But even though I don't and won't ever want him back I still think about him all the time. And well for a bit I was certain I didn't love him anymore but now when I day dream about conversations with him (ones that have never actually happened) I find myself either thinking the words I love you or actually saying it to him in the daydream.
My friends all think I should have stopped talking to him long ago and have stopped wanting to hear about it but I don't want to let him dissappear from my life despite the fact that he and I frequently fight now and conversations are sometimes awkward.
What should I do? And is it normal for me have those daydreams and yet to still be very aware of other guys around and to want a new boyfriend?
R.
*** *** ***
Dear R.,
I'm going to take a guess here. Many people love the idea of being in love more than they actually love the person they think they're in love with. Does that make sense? Go back and read it again if you need to. There's no meaningful connection between you and him. You fight and have awkward conversations. It doesn't sound like there's much going on. But you have memories of some great feelings and would like to have those feelings back. That's perfectly normal.
Your daydreams are also perfectly normal. It fits in perfectly with wanting that feeling of closeness and affection. I'm not seeing anything that makes me think the old guy is THE guy. But you get to decide that - not me (and definitely not your friends).
My sense is that you will stop thinking about your ex in the same way soon because one of these other guys you're aware of will take his place. It may not be the same kind of relationship you had before. It could be stronger or weaker. But at least it will allow you to move on to the next part of your life. Just make sure you don't want that feeling again so badly that you're willing to settle for anyone you think will give you attention. The right guy(s) will come along when you're ready - that's a promise.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago and we're more or less or less friends now even though it didn't start out that way after he dumped me. He has moved on. Where as I... well, I'm not a crying mess or anything like I was for a while. But even though I don't and won't ever want him back I still think about him all the time. And well for a bit I was certain I didn't love him anymore but now when I day dream about conversations with him (ones that have never actually happened) I find myself either thinking the words I love you or actually saying it to him in the daydream.
My friends all think I should have stopped talking to him long ago and have stopped wanting to hear about it but I don't want to let him dissappear from my life despite the fact that he and I frequently fight now and conversations are sometimes awkward.
What should I do? And is it normal for me have those daydreams and yet to still be very aware of other guys around and to want a new boyfriend?
R.
*** *** ***
Dear R.,
I'm going to take a guess here. Many people love the idea of being in love more than they actually love the person they think they're in love with. Does that make sense? Go back and read it again if you need to. There's no meaningful connection between you and him. You fight and have awkward conversations. It doesn't sound like there's much going on. But you have memories of some great feelings and would like to have those feelings back. That's perfectly normal.
Your daydreams are also perfectly normal. It fits in perfectly with wanting that feeling of closeness and affection. I'm not seeing anything that makes me think the old guy is THE guy. But you get to decide that - not me (and definitely not your friends).
My sense is that you will stop thinking about your ex in the same way soon because one of these other guys you're aware of will take his place. It may not be the same kind of relationship you had before. It could be stronger or weaker. But at least it will allow you to move on to the next part of your life. Just make sure you don't want that feeling again so badly that you're willing to settle for anyone you think will give you attention. The right guy(s) will come along when you're ready - that's a promise.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 7:49 AM
Comments:
<< Home
Thanks for answering my question. I think some of your points are accurate but the thing about my just wanring to be in love and feel loved is just not true. When I miss my ex it is usually when we haven't talked in a bit and something happens I wish I could share with him. As for the other guys I notice none of them so far is crush material just eye candy.
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 7:44 PM
: 7:44 PM<< Home
