Sunday, October 22, 2006
Time To Move On...
Hello Guidance Guy,
I have this crush on my high school councelor/teacher and we have quite a bit of history, he's been my teacher for some subjects in grades 9 and 10 (I'm in grade 12 now) and I use to see him for counseling. I was extremely depressed and started talking to him about it, but my depression kept getting worse and I tried to commit suicide. Before I was rushed to the emergency room, I could see him and his eyes were full of tears. He brought me flowers and he told me what happened in class, and visited me everyday. I know he cared about me, everything after that event changed, we stopped talking and he referred me to a therapist, after the school year ended, I moved away for a year, I never thought about him at all.
I moved back and I saw him for the first time and all my feelings and everything that's happened between us came rushing back to my head, and ever since I've been obsessed with him, he's all I think about. We talked once, but it was just because he hadn't seen me in a year. I just miss talking to him so much and I feel like since I've changed and I'm not as depressed as I use to be that he doesn't like me as much, and I just get so jealous seeing him talking to other students and councelling them. I just want to be his friend and get to know him better, but would it be inappropriate to do that?
And If not then how could I go about trying to be his friend, without making the whole situation uncomfortable. Or do I feel all this just because I'm attracted to him. I was attracted to him before, but after my suicide attempt we drifted apart and I got over him, I don't understand what happened, and how I ended up having feelings for him again. So I just need to know how to get over him. I'm pretty sure he knows I like him, and he hasn't been talking to me anymore, or even looking at me and smiling like he use to. I would like to keep some kind of contact with him, but I feel awkward because I feel like he doesn't even like me anymore, and I know he's a teacher and that it would be inappropriate to expect anything from him but he's just been so kind to me, and has always been there for me.
It's my last year of high school. I just can't stand the thought of not talking to him, especially never seeing him again after high school. Plus he's going to be my geography teacher next semester! What should I do about that? When I get over him, will he act normal around me again? How will he know that I'm over him? I'm just so lost.Meghan
*** *** ***
Dear Meghan,
Your teacher seems like a good man who did everything he could to try and help you. In fact it was probably not a good idea to bring flowers and visit as often as he did when you attempted suicide. That seems like a line he shouldn't have crossed especially when you were so vulnerable. My guess is he realizes he went to far and is trying very hard to put some emotional distance between you and him. In this case, I think that's a healthy thing, even though it hurts a lot.
I think what happened that caused your feelings for him to come back is you went back to the environment where you were in a lot of pain and he was your "hero." So that feeling came back as well. Your feelings about him are very confused. Getting to know him better would be very inappropriate. He's made it clear through his lack of communication that this is NOT something he wants. Again, I don't think it's that he doesn't like you. It's more likely he knows it's very difficult to have an appropriate student/teacher relationship. If there's a way to get out of taking class with him next semester, try to use it. If it's not a required class or if someone else teaches it, I'd use this option. You aren't ready to move on just yet.
Now, here's the good news: you're obviously a very bright and sensitive young woman who has learned a lot from your experience. You have your whole life ahead of you. As long as you feel good about yourself, someone (probably many people) will come along who is more suited for you. You'll find lots of people interesting, kind, fun to be around and attractive. And they'll feel the same about you! Someone will be lucky enough to be your friend - or more.
Give your teacher and yourself the gift of freedom. Both of you are ready to move onto the next parts of your lives. Your next part will be the best part!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I have this crush on my high school councelor/teacher and we have quite a bit of history, he's been my teacher for some subjects in grades 9 and 10 (I'm in grade 12 now) and I use to see him for counseling. I was extremely depressed and started talking to him about it, but my depression kept getting worse and I tried to commit suicide. Before I was rushed to the emergency room, I could see him and his eyes were full of tears. He brought me flowers and he told me what happened in class, and visited me everyday. I know he cared about me, everything after that event changed, we stopped talking and he referred me to a therapist, after the school year ended, I moved away for a year, I never thought about him at all.
I moved back and I saw him for the first time and all my feelings and everything that's happened between us came rushing back to my head, and ever since I've been obsessed with him, he's all I think about. We talked once, but it was just because he hadn't seen me in a year. I just miss talking to him so much and I feel like since I've changed and I'm not as depressed as I use to be that he doesn't like me as much, and I just get so jealous seeing him talking to other students and councelling them. I just want to be his friend and get to know him better, but would it be inappropriate to do that?
And If not then how could I go about trying to be his friend, without making the whole situation uncomfortable. Or do I feel all this just because I'm attracted to him. I was attracted to him before, but after my suicide attempt we drifted apart and I got over him, I don't understand what happened, and how I ended up having feelings for him again. So I just need to know how to get over him. I'm pretty sure he knows I like him, and he hasn't been talking to me anymore, or even looking at me and smiling like he use to. I would like to keep some kind of contact with him, but I feel awkward because I feel like he doesn't even like me anymore, and I know he's a teacher and that it would be inappropriate to expect anything from him but he's just been so kind to me, and has always been there for me.
It's my last year of high school. I just can't stand the thought of not talking to him, especially never seeing him again after high school. Plus he's going to be my geography teacher next semester! What should I do about that? When I get over him, will he act normal around me again? How will he know that I'm over him? I'm just so lost.Meghan
*** *** ***
Dear Meghan,
Your teacher seems like a good man who did everything he could to try and help you. In fact it was probably not a good idea to bring flowers and visit as often as he did when you attempted suicide. That seems like a line he shouldn't have crossed especially when you were so vulnerable. My guess is he realizes he went to far and is trying very hard to put some emotional distance between you and him. In this case, I think that's a healthy thing, even though it hurts a lot.
I think what happened that caused your feelings for him to come back is you went back to the environment where you were in a lot of pain and he was your "hero." So that feeling came back as well. Your feelings about him are very confused. Getting to know him better would be very inappropriate. He's made it clear through his lack of communication that this is NOT something he wants. Again, I don't think it's that he doesn't like you. It's more likely he knows it's very difficult to have an appropriate student/teacher relationship. If there's a way to get out of taking class with him next semester, try to use it. If it's not a required class or if someone else teaches it, I'd use this option. You aren't ready to move on just yet.
Now, here's the good news: you're obviously a very bright and sensitive young woman who has learned a lot from your experience. You have your whole life ahead of you. As long as you feel good about yourself, someone (probably many people) will come along who is more suited for you. You'll find lots of people interesting, kind, fun to be around and attractive. And they'll feel the same about you! Someone will be lucky enough to be your friend - or more.
Give your teacher and yourself the gift of freedom. Both of you are ready to move onto the next parts of your lives. Your next part will be the best part!
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 8:41 PM
