Sunday, October 15, 2006
Should I Still Date Him?
Dear Guidance Guy,
I've been dating this person since April. At first, it was great. But now I'm getting doubts. My parents never let me hang out with my friends after school, so we never see each other. And people keep making a big deal because we haven't kissed yet. It's got me thinking that maybe I shouldn't be with him. I mean, there are so many other girls he could go out with, and their parents would actually let them see him. I don't know what I should do. And if I should break up with him, how would I go about doing so?
Please reply soon,
Kat
*** *** ***
Dear Kat,
There are a few things I'd like to tell you about dating at a young age, but one thing jumps out at me right away. How do people know you haven't kissed yet? One or both of you is sharing way too much information with friends. This is private stuff, not a spectator sport. That first kiss between two people can be a wonderful moment, but not there is all this tension about when it's going to happen. Keep those parts of your love life private and they'll be much more special. Let your friends get their entertainment somewhere else.
One of the first things you can do is to define what dating actually is. Are you interested in him romantically? If so, something would need to change in order for the two of you to start a real dating relationship. I'm guessing you're on the younger side and don't have a lot of freedom outside school. It looks like the two of you are barely together now.
If you decided you weren't dating anymore, how would that affect your friendship? Would you still talk, IM, do whatever you do now? If so, you really don't need to do anything. The dating part of your relationship will sort of fade away.
And that seems to be the problem. There is something about "dating" at a young age that is cool and mysterious. Kat, it gets much cooler and more mysterious as you get older and have more freedom. You are putting too much pressure on yourself about dating this guy. Call it whatever you want. If you like him, spend as much time as possible with him. But don't worry about what you call it. You don't need to have a break up. Just let things go naturally.
And you DON'T need to share any information with anyone else. That usually just makes things more complicated and less fun.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
I've been dating this person since April. At first, it was great. But now I'm getting doubts. My parents never let me hang out with my friends after school, so we never see each other. And people keep making a big deal because we haven't kissed yet. It's got me thinking that maybe I shouldn't be with him. I mean, there are so many other girls he could go out with, and their parents would actually let them see him. I don't know what I should do. And if I should break up with him, how would I go about doing so?
Please reply soon,
Kat
*** *** ***
Dear Kat,
There are a few things I'd like to tell you about dating at a young age, but one thing jumps out at me right away. How do people know you haven't kissed yet? One or both of you is sharing way too much information with friends. This is private stuff, not a spectator sport. That first kiss between two people can be a wonderful moment, but not there is all this tension about when it's going to happen. Keep those parts of your love life private and they'll be much more special. Let your friends get their entertainment somewhere else.
One of the first things you can do is to define what dating actually is. Are you interested in him romantically? If so, something would need to change in order for the two of you to start a real dating relationship. I'm guessing you're on the younger side and don't have a lot of freedom outside school. It looks like the two of you are barely together now.
If you decided you weren't dating anymore, how would that affect your friendship? Would you still talk, IM, do whatever you do now? If so, you really don't need to do anything. The dating part of your relationship will sort of fade away.
And that seems to be the problem. There is something about "dating" at a young age that is cool and mysterious. Kat, it gets much cooler and more mysterious as you get older and have more freedom. You are putting too much pressure on yourself about dating this guy. Call it whatever you want. If you like him, spend as much time as possible with him. But don't worry about what you call it. You don't need to have a break up. Just let things go naturally.
And you DON'T need to share any information with anyone else. That usually just makes things more complicated and less fun.
All The Best,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 6:53 AM
