Monday, October 09, 2006
Obsessed With A Girl
Dear Guidance Guy,
There's been this girl, and as creepy as it sounds I've been sort of "obsessed" with her. Obsessed isn't exactly the right word to choose but the only reason I can't get over her is because I want her to sort of open up to me. I know she has some serious family problems but the thing is every single time I try to talk to her she always gets "weirded out" and thinks I'm some freak and either ignores me or runs away.
I've tried so hard to not pay attention to her but I just feel so sorry for her. I feel like everything's that's happening to her is my fault, though I have absolutely nothing to do with her issues. I know that she doesn't have many friends or someone she can count on so I thought that maybe if there was someone she could trust and could help her, someone like me, I can make sure she doesn't do anything she'll regret in the future.
The problem is that whenever I try to talk to her or go near her she treats me so badly and it's not only happened once but many, many times. I just want to give up on her but if she does anything suicidal in the future, I might begin to think that it was my fault and that I could've or should've done something. So giving up on her might
not be the answer. But then again continuing on with this will eventually make me go crazy. All my other friends think I've been spending so much time pondering about her or worrying if she's okay or not that I'm almost losing it.
I was thinking of giving her a letter to tell her how I feel but she's just so stubborn that it's hard to have any sort of long, intellectual conversations between me and her. But I really don't want to give up no matter how bad she treats me and how hard it is for me to do this everyday and no matter how much she makes me cry about something really stupid. Should I keep trying or should I just forget about her and let her be?
Obsessively Compulsively Jammed
*** *** ***
Dear O.C.J.
You should definitely give up on her. She's not just sending you signals, she's telling you straight out: she's not intersted in you. She runs away, she ignores you, she isn't projecting any kind of sign that she likes you. That's not the issue. The issue is what makes you so attracted to her even though she doesn't feel the same about you.
The good news is you seem to be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. You recognize this as an infatuation - a very one sided one. I am concerned about how much energy you're putting into this girl. I don't know enough about this to give you a really strong opinion, but one guess is you recognize something in her that's bothering you. You mention family problems she's having. How do you know she's having them if she won't let you get close to her? I'm wondering if you are having some family problems of your own that you're living through her. The fact that you think her problems might be your fault is another sign. What's happening at home for you?
If you genuinely think she may be in danger of hurting herself, tell a guidance counselor. But be careful. You need to have strong evidence this is the case, and I don't think you do. To talk about her to others without good reason, or to continue to approach her when she doesn't want to talk with you is a serious invasion of her privacy. It could even be considered harassment.
To answer your question, you need to move on to the next part of your life, which is taking care of yourself. Let this girl go. You are a kind sensitive person who wants the best for other people. Now use that kindness on yourself and be your own best friend. The right people (of both sexes) will come into your life and actually WANT to hang out with you.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
There's been this girl, and as creepy as it sounds I've been sort of "obsessed" with her. Obsessed isn't exactly the right word to choose but the only reason I can't get over her is because I want her to sort of open up to me. I know she has some serious family problems but the thing is every single time I try to talk to her she always gets "weirded out" and thinks I'm some freak and either ignores me or runs away.
I've tried so hard to not pay attention to her but I just feel so sorry for her. I feel like everything's that's happening to her is my fault, though I have absolutely nothing to do with her issues. I know that she doesn't have many friends or someone she can count on so I thought that maybe if there was someone she could trust and could help her, someone like me, I can make sure she doesn't do anything she'll regret in the future.
The problem is that whenever I try to talk to her or go near her she treats me so badly and it's not only happened once but many, many times. I just want to give up on her but if she does anything suicidal in the future, I might begin to think that it was my fault and that I could've or should've done something. So giving up on her might
not be the answer. But then again continuing on with this will eventually make me go crazy. All my other friends think I've been spending so much time pondering about her or worrying if she's okay or not that I'm almost losing it.
I was thinking of giving her a letter to tell her how I feel but she's just so stubborn that it's hard to have any sort of long, intellectual conversations between me and her. But I really don't want to give up no matter how bad she treats me and how hard it is for me to do this everyday and no matter how much she makes me cry about something really stupid. Should I keep trying or should I just forget about her and let her be?
Obsessively Compulsively Jammed
*** *** ***
Dear O.C.J.
You should definitely give up on her. She's not just sending you signals, she's telling you straight out: she's not intersted in you. She runs away, she ignores you, she isn't projecting any kind of sign that she likes you. That's not the issue. The issue is what makes you so attracted to her even though she doesn't feel the same about you.
The good news is you seem to be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. You recognize this as an infatuation - a very one sided one. I am concerned about how much energy you're putting into this girl. I don't know enough about this to give you a really strong opinion, but one guess is you recognize something in her that's bothering you. You mention family problems she's having. How do you know she's having them if she won't let you get close to her? I'm wondering if you are having some family problems of your own that you're living through her. The fact that you think her problems might be your fault is another sign. What's happening at home for you?
If you genuinely think she may be in danger of hurting herself, tell a guidance counselor. But be careful. You need to have strong evidence this is the case, and I don't think you do. To talk about her to others without good reason, or to continue to approach her when she doesn't want to talk with you is a serious invasion of her privacy. It could even be considered harassment.
To answer your question, you need to move on to the next part of your life, which is taking care of yourself. Let this girl go. You are a kind sensitive person who wants the best for other people. Now use that kindness on yourself and be your own best friend. The right people (of both sexes) will come into your life and actually WANT to hang out with you.
Best of Luck,
The Guidance Guy
# posted by Larry Hochman : 7:33 AM
